June 23, 2017

A Short Story...

1988 - Bryn and Me
 
Last night I told Handsome, "Honey. This morning I woke up with a post in my head." In his most deadpan tone he replied, "Donna, you really shouldn't tee them up for me like that." It took me a second, and then I realized another way he could have interpreted my statement...and I laughed out loud. 

I told him that this subject came to mind after we attended the concert in the park the previous night. You see, something happened. Something that reminded me of how my life became joyful. It was a conscious effort, mind you. I woke up with these thoughts running through my head, and I hope you don't mind if I share them with you today.

Many years ago, I listened to a middle-aged public speaker/comedienne who told her audience that we all have a "Committee" inside our heads. You know. Those voices from our past who contribute to who we are today. All those people who are, or were, a part of your life who told you who you're supposed to be; how you're supposed to act; or just said something that stuck with you long-term. It might be a relative, friend or just something said to you in passing. 

Here are a few examples: 
My mother told me when I was a younger woman that my laugh was "too coarse", that I should "tone it down so you sound like a lady". The result was that my laugh - for a time - wasn't my own. It was hers. Of course, one was never allowed to laugh at our family dinner table, and there was a wooden spoon to reinforce that rule. I'm convinced that some parents really have no idea the negative impact they can have on their children. (Still. Put your cell phones down and talk with them!!)
 
When I entered my 30s, I opened Stitches. I taught needlework classes, and traveled around the country sharing what I had learned with others. My mother liked to "brag me up" to her friends, but would always add, "I have no talent. She stole it all from me." She was the first member of my Committee.

Other members my Committee? Mom Grace told me that I "was too good for her son", when I broke our engagement. Loving her son as I know she did, that must have been incredibly difficult for her to say (even if she was right). 
 
Grace taught me most of what I learned to begin my journey into needlework. She also taught me to knit and crochet, although I also crocheted with my paternal grandmother. Over the forty two years I knew and loved her, I frequently thanked her for sharing her knowledge with me. Her response? "It's really a case of the student surpassing the teacher, my dear."

Granddad and Me


I have more...My British granddad who always called me "his beautiful, eldest granddaughter"; or my middle aged co-worker (at the grocery store where I worked my way through high school) who shared her "rules for getting older" and a few jokes I can't repeat here, but will never forget; and always, my husband who always makes me feel loved and cherished. I always remember his words.
 
Are there other bad examples? Oh, heck yes, and sometimes I have to take a stick to them to drive them away. A comment thrown like a dagger from an unexpected (and unexplained) person; a word in passing from a drunk in a parking lot when I walked with a post-op cane; and of course, there are more, but I don't let them live here anymore.

I could go on with examples (some great, and some not-so-great) from people whose words stuck with me, but I think you get the idea. It took me many of my sixty two years, but I finally drove out the Committee members who brought no joy into my life. They no longer take up space in my head.

Now, I'm sure you're wondering at this point just where I'm going with all this, and how it has the slightest thing to do with our concert night this week. I told you that the conductor was a real cut-up. He had the whole audience in the palm of his hand, and his manner of introducing each new piece, in addition to being clever, was funny. I joined the audience in laughter as he made his way through the program.

At the end of the evening, Handsome and I were folding up our chairs to leave, when the lady who sat in front of me turned around and got my attention. She said, "I have to tell you that your laugh is infectious. I wish I could record it to make me smile every day. I just wanted you to know that I enjoyed sitting in front of you." I was surprised, smiled and said, "Thank you." 

As I went to bed Wednesday night, I reflected on that old Committee member who had managed with one sentence to make me so self-conscious about the simple, joyful act of laughing...and how the woman at the concert made me feel when she commented on my laughter before leaving the park.

This woman and her short interaction with me will stay with me. I'll carry her face and compliment with me to remind me that I chose joy. She will become the newest member of my Committee, and I'm immediately making her a Lifetime Member.

The sub-head for my blog is "...thoughts on a joyful and creative life." That's why I'm sharing this with you today. I decided long ago not to lug the boulders of sadness, frustration or downright despair around with me any longer. I left them behind nearly a decade ago. Please don't waste another moment of your life clinging to that which no longer serves you. Let go of the hurt. Let go of the words that keep you from living a beautiful, wonderful, juicy and joyful life. You deserve it. We all deserve it.
 
I'm a big fan of the movie "Somewhere In Time". In the movie, Jane Seymour plays the actress, Elise McKenna. She has a rather rotund suitor who pays entirely too much attention to her, and it's most unwelcomed. However, she's expected to return his affection. In a scene with a fellow actor, she's asked, "Surely, there must be something you like about the man." to which she replies, "Yes. His absence." That's how I feel about my evicted Committee members.

Thanks for letting me put this out there today. I appreciate that you stop by to see what I'm doing, and I also appreciate your visits. Be well. Be brave. Choose Joy.

DonnaAcornSignature

32 comments:

  1. An amazing post. Brought back my own committee- many who are evicted permanently. Just didn't refer to it that way but I love the way you have voiced this. Thank you for sharing.

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    1. Today is August 14, 2022, and I can finally leave a response to your post. Thank you for commenting, dear Charlene. I think we all have committees, and I'm glad I'm not the only one learning to let go. Welcome to the club!
      xoxo
      Donna

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  2. Thanks for that blog post today. It could not have come at a better time for me. Serendipity!

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    1. Over five years later, and I've learned how to be able to leave comments. Thank you, dear Sharon for commenting on my post. I'm glad that it came at a good time for you. I hope this belated note finds you well.
      Big hugs,
      Donna
      xoxo

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  3. I needed this, too! Thank you...

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    1. You're so welcome, Deb. I apologize that it took me so long to learn how to be able to leave replies to dear friends who left notes for me.
      xoxo
      Donna

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  4. I also needed this! I really enjoyed this post, too! Thanks!

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    1. Hi Terri, dear! I'm glad I finally figured out how to reply to comments from friends. I'm also glad that this post came to you when you needed it. Hope all is well with you.
      Big Hugs,
      xoxo
      Donna

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  5. Thank you so much for sharing your short story! You have no idea how much I needed this and truly enjoyed it this morning!

    Oh those committee members - some simply won't leave no matter how many times I evict them.

    Again, thank you, Donna!

    In Friendship!
    Darlene wabbit4412@aol.com

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    1. Hi Darlene:
      You're so welcome! I'm sorry my reply has taken so long. I hope you're doing better with those evictions now, and hope all is well with you and yours.
      Hope to hear from you again, dear.
      xoxo
      Donna

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  6. Thank You Sweet Donna. Your words are so very powerful and this post is something I need to know, learn, and review over and over again. My "committee" is heavily weighted with those I need to evict and never listen to ever again. Words are powerful and can be hurtful or they can be loving. I believe parents have the greatest responsibility in how they raise a child and how that child treats others and the world we live in. You, my friend, are JOYful and wise and wonderful. Thank you so very much for sharing your insight and for helping me to be a better person. I love you and your spirit! XO<3

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    1. Dearest Sherry:
      How long have we been blog friends now? It seems like I've known and loved you forever. I'm so glad that this post touched you, and I hope you're getting better at tossing out the voices that no longer serve you. I'm glad I can finally acknowledge your comment, and I'm always grateful for the gift of your loving soul in my life.
      Love and hugs,
      xoxo
      Donna

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  7. Great post...something I am going to ponder on! I really needed this!

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    1. Dear Mary Ann:
      Apologies that I only recently learned how to reply to comments. Better late than never, right? Thank you for leaving a message for me. I'm glad you enjoyed this post.
      Hope you're well,
      xoxo
      Donna

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  8. Donna I so related to your post today and actually at 66 am only now evicting the obnoxious commitee I have traveled with all my life and allowed to take up residence in my head fro far too long! It sure is nice to know that I am not alone in that challenge and that there can be success in the end! Thanks for sharing your thoughts today, they were very welcome!
    Tina xo

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    1. Hi Tina!
      The unwanted voices sure make the journey more difficult, don't they? I hope you've made headway in letting go, as I have. It's kind of sad that we have to get to this age to learn more of the things that could have served us better in our youth. Thank you for leaving a comment on this post, and I hope that you're doing well, my friend.
      xoxo
      Donna

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  9. Thank you for sharing this powerful message today, Donna! I hadn't thought in terms of a committee in my head, but that's a great analogy. Much food for thought here. Keep on choosing Joy! Jane

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    1. Hi Jane:
      I can't take credit for the term. I wish I could remember the name of the woman who was a public speaker, a self-improvement guru from whom I first heard the term. Her words really stuck with me, and I've worked hard to take them to heart.
      Hope you're well.
      xoxo
      Donna

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  10. I had trouble posting a comment this morning but made a point to remember to do it now! I love this story/post. Yesterday I decided to quit Facebook after 3 months because I don't love it and it doesn't make me happy. In fact, it made me unhappy and it took time I could not spare. Doing that was easy. How do you disregard those things that are in your head? I'd love to hear more on this topic. Do you just decide something, like I did to quit FB?

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    1. Hi Dear Toni:
      I wish I could say that you just decide, and then do it. For me, it's always been a process. Sometimes it's the old "you won't change until the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change". Sometimes, I need to hit my head against a wall until it sinks in. Other times, it happens like a bolt of light, and it's easy. Purging the Committee members who don't serve me is more on the difficult side. Commitment is key. Once they're gone, replace them with a new member who brings happy thoughts, and don't let the toxic thoughts back in...ever. I've missed hearing from you, and hope this finds you and yours well.
      Big hugs,
      xoxo
      Donna

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  11. I don't comment usually, but I wanted you to know how much I enjoy your blog. Today's post is particularly appropriate and thank you for sharing.

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    1. Thank you, Bev. My reply is only 5 years overdue, but I'm nonetheless just as grateful as when I first read your words. I appreciate that you cared enough to respond, and am so glad that I now know how to leave replies to my blog friends.
      xoxo
      Donna

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  12. Many years ago I was determined to oust out of my head the free loaders who were keeping me awake at night, who got in the way of me having a great day, and continual negative comments from them kept me from my true self and personal joy. Your amazing post today knocked me over or shall I say back on my heels.. I guess what was the most alarming to me about the committee is how they take over and "we" allow them to stay. I had the impression somehow I was the only one .... NOT. Thank you for a beautifully written post dear friend!!

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    1. Dear Marcy:
      I'm so sorry it took me so long to respond to your comment. This post obviously touched something in everyone who left a note for me. I'm so glad that I figured out how to be able to leave replies so you can know how much your note meant (means) to me. We're never really alone. I still blog because I know that to be true.
      Thanks for leaving your message to me.
      Love,
      Donna
      xoxo

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  13. Good gracious...I think this has been a month of kicking out Committee members. I told David the other night that I just want to laugh again. A full on, LMAO with giant snorts until I almost pee. It's been a long time since I've had that kind of joy in my life.

    Loved this post and love you to bits dear friend. Thank you for sharing it.
    Shelby Marie

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    1. Dearest Shelby:
      I'm so glad that you can relate to this. Now, 5 years later, I know how you've transformed your life with joyful endeavors. I love that you laugh and find happiness in each day. Thank you also for sharing it with me and others. It shows in your creative pursuits. You're loved by many, my friend.
      Love,
      Deece
      xoxo

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  14. Just reading this now. I never thought about those voices as the committee. I guess I've got some "rearranging of the board" to do. I've always thought of you as a strong and wise woman ( and so much more). This is exactly what I needed to hear, so thank you for sharing!
    Xoxo

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    1. Dearest,
      Five years later, I can finally respond. I'm still bringing in new members, and appreciate the note you've left for me. You're one of the blog friends I've yet to meet, but will hope to do so one day. I think you're strong and wise, too.
      Big hugs,
      xoxo
      Donna

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  15. what a God send Donna, thanks for posting. Perfect timing as well - I am facing a surgery where they must go through the heart to accomplish the repair - I just last night stated that any negatives or people bringing me issues were going to have wait a month or so - I didn't need it. That I needed my mind to be free and at peace when the day of the surgery arrives.

    Thanks what a needed boost and GOD given post for me and I suspect for many others....blessings

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    1. Dear Jody:
      I know it's five years later. I know all you and I have been through, and we still come out on the other side. Did you know you're one of my new committee members? Yep. You're strong and life-affirming. I respect you immensely, and I want you to know that you're always in my prayers. Bless you, too, my friend.
      xoxo
      Donna

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  16. Thank you for sharing this uplifting post.

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    1. You're so welcome, dear Mary. I hope this belated reply finds you well.
      Big hugs,
      xoxo
      Donna

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Thank you so much for leaving a comment today. I'm using new settings on my comments so that I'll be able to respond to your messages to me. Be sure to come back to see my replies!

Blessings, Donna